We were so happy, you and I. So committed to each other. I gave you all the time you needed, even though my friends thought you were being too demanding. Oh, but I loved spending time with you! You were so quirky, and although it got frustrating sometimes, I’d always get on a different level with you. You helped me unwind from a stressful day, you were so patient. I could just lose myself in your colour and fall into your warm glow and all my worries would melt away to a place where I didn’t need to think about them anymore.
And then all of a sudden, from nowhere, you wanted more than I could give! Facebook? I wasn’t ready to be so public about us, baby. I thought you understood that. But your cries became incessant, your demands bleating and persistent. And the final blow, you sweet manipulative crush you, was you holding out from me. You knew how much I enjoyed your daily gifts. I didn’t believe you had it in you to withhold them from me! It was positively cruel. But let it never be said that I didn’t sacrifice for you. You were my soulmate, honey. I know I took my time with the decision, but I gave in to you. I put us on Facebook.
You were gone. All our carefully nurtured levels, the beautiful journey you and I had taken, gone! You wanted to start from scratch, you did. But I couldn’t take anymore. I had bent and twisted all sorts of ways to give in to you, and yet you stabbed me in the back just when I had gone public about our deep and committed relationship. You left me cold and alone to the disapproving gaze of the Internet. Now, they could see. My cuckolded self was bare and open for everyone to snigger at.
In my wild grief, I swore to cut you out of my life. It hurt, but erasing you from my life was the best thing I would do… or so I thought. In my frenzy of pain, I trawled the Internet and stalked you, something I had never done before. I had thought background checks were beneath me. I had trusted you. But it was all gone! The wise and infinite Internet handed me the truth about you clinically, and it devastated me. You were not the beacon of virtue and fidelity I had thought you were. I saw countless others you had left by the wayside just like me. There was even a forum! Candy Crush Addicts. Oh, I was so angry, baby.
I’m not proud of the next part. But what can I say? I’m only human. I rebounded. I rebounded hard. But I think I might have found something special with Clash of Clans. He is a little more… brutish, but at least he is honest. But I haven’t managed to erase you completely. Sometimes, when I sleep, I still see your magical bursts of colour beneath my aching eyelids. This, of course, is discounting your absolutely despicable attempts to make me jealous by parading your legions of new lovers on Facebook, and occasionally inviting me to play with them. Seriously? You know I’m not into things like that! I didn’t think you’d stoop that low, baby. When are you going to let me be?
P.S. – I bet you don’t even remember my name, you player.